KYUNKI HOST BHI KABHI GUEST THA….

Happy New Year readers. I know it’s a bit late but since this is my first post of 2013, I had to say it anyways. Well, since sequels are quite popular nowadays, I thought I would write one as well. Remember that post when I talked about the pros & cons of having guests visit us? Well, after I wrote that, I haven’t had many guests come to our house…. J LAGTA HAI FEEL KAR GAYE !! 

Anyways, last week, we had to go to some function, & it was during the way back that I thought about writing how it feels when you are the guest… you know just like... “SAAS BHI KABHI BAHU THI” in the same way,  “HOST BHI KABHI GUEST THA”.

So here we  go…

KAUN KAUN JAAYEGA !!

When someone invites us over as guests, the first crucial point is…...
"YE HAI KAUN ?"
If it’s a relative from dad’s side, then its obligatory for him to go & if its from the maternal side, mum will have to pack her bags. The kids usually don’t have a say in this as they come as free assortments with the adult.
At times, if your family happens to be one of the typical nuclear families, what happens is both the parents take a kid with them, just like children pick teams before playing a match.

But  as kids grow older & become MATURE (15 is the new maturity age nowadays : )), they come up with their own excuses. So, many a times, that class test you had never really cared about earlier suddenly  becomes so important when your parents tell you that you have to accompany them to visit some relative(s).            

And who’s that relative ??? well don’t you dare ask. I tried some times asking this question & all I could gather was that “ITS MY FATHER’S UNCLE’S NEPHEW’S SISTER’S HUSBAND’S DAUGHTER’S ELDEST SON’S WEDDING that we have to go to.”

Yeah, don’t try learning that.

BAS PAHUNCH GAYE !!

Chalo, everything’s decided. Your excuses failed to please your parents & puri family nikal padi apne rishtedaaro pe keher dhaane. Needless to say, we are never on time. If we are supposed to reach at 10.00 a.m., we depart from our home at 10.30. Then on our way, dad’s cell rings… “HELLO, KAHAAN PAHUNCHE ?? HUM AAPKI WAIT KAR RAHE HAIN” & you see your dad handling these bouncers pretty well.

Here’s the rule of thumb you have to follow when the one seeking your benign presence calls you on the way…

Whatever the other person says, you just keep on repeating.. “BAS JEE, PAHUNCH HI GAYE BAS”,

“RAASTE ME HAIN”, & if it doesn’t work, blame the TRAFFIC, even if the road is empty.

STUCK IN TRAFFIC is the universally accepted excuse for being late, recognized by WLLA (WORLD LATE LATEEF ASSOCIATION).

Also, never really tell them where you are (unless you are not aware of the venue, location, house whatever,,). Always describe time in minutes. Just forget what your teacher taught you in school, the units of measurement.. blah blah blah… In reality, you have to mix time & distance to hide your speed. Just say. “20 minute ka raasta hai....."  "Ajji aadhe ghante me aa gye…”

BETA NAMSTEY BOLO !!

Finally, you reached the venue. Assuming that it’s a sort of re-union of all the relatives (of whom you don’t even know 20 %), the next challenge on hand is greeting everyone. You follow your parents, see whom they greet & you automatically say “NAMSTEY UNCLE/AUNTY JEE, KAISE HAIN ?” Sometimes, you end up greeting strangers also.. but who cares.

And again, if you don’t know who someone is, don’t ask your parents.. why ?? aren’t you paying attention ??  I just said that you are at your FATHER’S UNCLE’S NEPHEW’S SISTER’S HUSBAND’S DAUGHTER’S ELDEST SON’S WEDDING… you really want to add a string to that ?
HUM YAHAAN CHAIN CHAIN NAHI KHEL RAHE !!!.

Bas fir kya, khaao piyo aish karo. Let your parents meet everyone & just step aside after NAMSTEYing 3- 4 people, okay 5 at most. If its not your day, even when you are standing in the most remote corner of the function, someone will come up to you & ask.. “AAP KISKE BETE/BETI HO ?”

IJAAZAT DIJIYE !!

Now, everything's sorted. Its time for bye bye. Remember that moment when your guests who visited you said “AB HUM CHALENGE”…. Its your turn to say that now. & again, if you are lucky enough, your aunt will come & give you that cash (which again, you have to refuse at first, jab wo teesri baar INSIST kre, tabhi  lena hai.. rule hai WLLA ka!!)

At times, when I get these CASH REWARDS, it feels like it’s the TRAVEL ALLOWANCE  we are getting. But again, mujhe kya.

                                                *** STATUTORY WARNING ***

Just take the cash & keep it in your pocket, bachpan wali galti mat karna ki mummy ko de dia ye soch kar ke ghar jaake le lenge. Mummy nahi deti waapas !!

Isi wajah se mere Rs. 2000 atke hue hai mummy ke paas abhi tak… )

Finally you reach your home, after exhausting your holiday & just throw yourself on the bed.

Suddenly, mom asks “BETA, WO APNE TEST KE LIYE TO PADH LE”.. &
you are like   “KAUNSA TEST  ???”

Remember that test you were trying to use as an excuse for not going ?? yep, that’s what she’s talking about…

Well that's it.. mera ho gya, ab aap log mujhe ijaazat dijiye...

Until next time...

                                                                                                              With love & laughs

                                                                                                                       
Puneet Bajaj   :)