Was I unfaithful?

There are times when you let go of things, let go of people without giving a second thought.
But what about them? Do they take it as casually as well? Last night, I parted ways with a friend, not for the first time.

I had to make a choice.
I looked at my options. 

I chose her.
Chose to let her go. Again.

I wonder what might be going through her mind, and the following is an account from her point of view: 

"Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a habit.
This line holds true in our case as well, perhaps I was too naïve to believe in it. The first time he let go of me, I guess he wasn’t too concerned, maybe because we had been together for a very short period of time and may be, in hindsight, that is why I wasn’t too bothered either and may be that is why when we got back together, I had no hesitations and hoped for a longer stint, if I may call it that, this time around.  As a matter of fact, our second stint was longer but I wasn’t oblivious as to how he was treating the rest of his friends. Yes he was considerate about them, aware of the consequences of letting some of them go, but beyond a point, he didn’t care much except when those in question were his most dearest ones. I figured that sooner, rather than later, it may be my turn and I may have to leave him again. But still, I was willing to stay put a little while longer, fight for a place in his space a little bit more. He had many other friends like me, some were less fortunate (again, if I may say so) and consequently, they bore the brunt of parting with him quite frequently. 

Then one day, it all came down to an instance, a shout, and an action. My mother told me that there are times when a person is a bit too engaged (willingly or otherwise) in things happening around him that he unintentionally loses track of the ones around him, the ones with him. And that is what might have happened that day, when amidst the plethora of things, he didn’t realize he had left someone behind, that he had left me behind. I stood there, hurt, hoping he would realize his mistake, come back and pick me up. But alas! 

But there was someone, someone I didn't know back then, someone who called out to remind him of his mistake, to remind him that he had left me behind. Honestly, I didn’t know who that person was, and I haven’t seen her again since then, but that one instance has indebted me to her forever. He took recognizance of what she said, acted upon it and once again, I was back in his life. 

He was considerate of what I had endured and his actions did convey his empathy, pretty much like how a mother dusts off her son when he accidentally falls in the mud while playing, and to me those actions on his part were enough to know that he cared, and the uncertainties of the past disappeared, for a while atleast. 

And then last night, came the third time. It was as if he was gambling and had nothing to offer but me. 

Yes, he had to make a choice. 

Yes, he looked at his options. 

Yes, he chose me.
Chose to let me go. Again. 

Today, I don’t relate to the ones around me, maybe I was too consumed in the warmth of the space I had in his life. Maybe I will get used to these surroundings. Maybe I will not. Maybe we’ll meet again.
You never know. 

I guess somewhere down the line, I was at fault too.
After all, being a Rs. 5 coin, I couldn’t have asked for much!"

Why can it be agonizing to be supporter of a sports team...

A person walked out to the Eden Gardens in 1996 to cheer for his team in the World Cup semi final. He threw bottles and didn’t allow the game to complete. He was a fan. An angry fan. 

In 2007, in Ranchi, a person went to the shop to watch on TV, India take on Bangladesh during the World Cup in West Indies. When he returned, he threw stones at M.S. Dhoni’s house. He was a fan. An upset fan. 

In 2011, a person roamed the streets of Mumbai at midnight after India won the World Cup.
“Chak De” he shouted. He was a fan. A delighted fan. 

That’s the thing with being a fan – it often comes with an adjective. And that’s the problem, it shouldn’t. I wrote this post last week but waited before deciding to share it. The reason has been explained later in this post. 

The months of April and May are when each Indian has his/her allegiances figured out as to which team to cheer for during the IPL. For me, the support is with the men in royal blue, the Rajasthan Royals. And there’s only one reason behind that – that man sitting with a serious expression all through, who was conspicuous for throwing his cap last season (second time in his career when he actually took his anger out on something tangible) – Rahul Dravid. Obviously, by that logic, I supported RCB during the first three years of the league. 

These 8 years of IPL have been a master class in “The Essentials of Being A Supporter” for me. While I pride myself of upholding the standards of loyal support, there are times when it becomes agonizing for me as well. Surprisingly, contrary to popular perceptions, it’s not when the team loses as most would expect, but when they aren’t doing as well as they can and all I can do is sit in front of the TV set and watch in anticipation that agonizes me. 

When you yourself play the sport you follow, you’re naturally more empathetic of a team’s performance, or individual’s performance for that matter than those self proclaimed cricket experts who would have sacked Sachin Tendulkar in 2010 for poor form, who abuse a batsman for not being able to hit six of every alternate ball. So when there is a run out, you don’t abuse the batsmen, because you know such misunderstandings happen while you’re playing. When a bowler is having a bad day, you understand because there are days when things don’t go your way. And so, when I see Rajasthan lose a match from a 60-40 position because they lost three wickets in quick succession, you understand that because such things happen in cricket and I myself have experienced such things while playing. 

I have been playing cricket for over 12 years now (at no professional level), but these years have taught me a lot about the game and that has helped me be a rational supporter, a consistent fan of the sport because I can relate my own experiences to those happening on the field on TV and I know what all can happen and how it feels for those involved. In a way, that is why it is sometimes agonizing to be a cricket team's fan- because you can watch, understand and relate to the scenes, but nothing beyond that. When RR lost their momentum after a rollicking start, I so wanted to be, quite honestly, a part of their team, because when you are in the mix, you know each player is giving his best, what concerns some players and you know you are putting your best foot forward. 

But here I am, watching the pre match shows, expert opinions, reading reports and articles and then tuning in for the match to try and be that extra player for the team, but honestly, you can’t do that. Sharing facebook posts, tweeting your support, that’s not what I am talking about, that every John in the street can do. I don’t want to be that John because more often than not, that John only abuses a cricketer’s girlfriend for his poor performance on the field, and that is what differentiates me from that John, which is what differentiates true fans from the fake ones. 

Last week RR were playing CSK and a win would have more or less ensured them a playoff berth with a match to spare, and all the emotions I shared above were in full force because personally, I am happy with seeing my team win, but I so eagerly want to be more closely involved with them when they aren’t doing well and because I can’t do that, it gets agonizing for me, regardless of the result. I waited before sharing this post because I wanted to see if my emotions were true even if RR lost that match (which they did) and the one last night against KKR (which they won), and they (emotions) stood the test of nerves. I want to be there in the mix, knowing the effort everyone is putting in rather than watching from thousands of miles away on a TV screen, looking anxiously as the events unfold because from my experience, nobody wants to win more than the players themselves, and it is the players only who are more considerate of the outcomes, not necessarily the results. A fan, beyond a point, can’t delve much into it and that agonizes me. You saw Rahul Dravid throw his cap, I have thrown a thing or two myself at times, because it's not the result, but the outcome that hurts.

But I would choose that agonizing feeling anytime over the fickle mind of a fan, which leads me to my next and last point. In essence, a fan is a bit different from a supporter. How? It’s all about the balance between emotions and support. When the former dominates the latter, it makes you a fan. When your support keeps your emotions in check, you’re a supporter. And after the first few experiences with cricket, I have strived to be the latter.  

I have been a selfish fan, but I have learned to be a supporter. And that is the difference – the word “fan” comes with a preceding adjective, as illustrated through the three examples in the beginning, “supporter” doesn’t, because it is always meant to be unconditional. And that is why I used "supporter" in the title of this post, not "fan". More on the fan V supporter battle some other time. Someday I might delve deeper into this angst supporter concept, that time it will be Rahul Dravid, the man who matters most to me when it comes to cricket.

Until next time..

Take Care :)

WHAT IF...

They say the only thing constant in life is change. Look around you and you’ll realize how the things have transformed – be it the mobile phone you use, the technology you have at your disposal, the infrastructure, the way people interact, the places where you hangout, the various professions one can choose from and so on. In today’s post I will talk about one such change, or rather upgrade – that in people. And when I say upgrade, I don’t mean any philosophical and anthropological take on the humans. Neither is this blog that intellectual nor am I that intelligent in the first place. The change – upgrade I’m talking about is on the lines of mobile software updates that we get. 

We all deal with different kinds of people and they all play different roles in our lives – family, friends, partners, relatives, acquaintances, mentors, neighbours and the shakal to jaani pehchaani hai types. We all associate certain idioscyncrasies with people’s attitudes – that person is a hot head, she is so cool, my dad is so supportive, my friend is so stingy, her mom is so modern and so on. 

Now, what if all these opinions could be broken down to each person’s operating system version? You would know in advance what all to expect and lines like “you let me down” could well become obsolete, because, well you knew who, rather what you were dealing with. Now given the super busy schedule that I have on my plate, I decided to think of how our conversations would be shaped. And for easy relatability, I am referring to Android OS in the following examples. 

Read on to see if you see my point (if not, you better upgrade): 

CAREER DISCUSSIONS 

Dude, it’s great that your parents are supporting you to try your hand at acting. That’s the benefit of having Jelly Bean parents. I on the other hand had to become a doctor, couldn’t oppose the Gingerbread thinking of my parents! 

THE FIRST FEW YEARS OF EVERY CHILD 

Arrey, look how big he has become. Last time I saw you, you were, what, a Cupcake 1.5. Ab dekho, Froyo 2.2.3 ban gaya hai! 

CRUSHES 

Bro, come on, I know you like Aisha. Who wouldn’t? She is cute, smart, intelligent plus she is a Kitkat! 

No bro, she isn’t my type. I would want a girl who has that Ice Cream Sandwich look about her, I just dig that.

AT SCHOOL

Teacher: Where is Raj? He is supposed to give a presentation today.

Raj’s friend: Mam wo aaj nahi aaya. Uska update nikla hai aaj.

POLITICAL RALLIES

(Imagine Narendra Modi taking a dig at Rahul Gandhi:)

Bhayio behno, jiski khud ki party usse Beta (1.1) se Honeycomb (3.0) tak update nahi hone deti, wo khud kya khaak Bharat ko Lollipop (5.1.1) tak leke jaayega???

MOVIE PROMOTIONS

This film is about two happy going Gingerbreads who love each other and a Kitkat who tries to ruin their relationship for his own good.

Aamir Khan: Yeah, I had to do a lot of research. I had to learn the intricacies of a Kitkat, because you see, I’m a ICS at heart!

LOVE PROPOSALS

He: Sweetheart, I know that being a Donut 1.6, I’m no match for your Froyo 2.2.1 life. But I promise, I will work hard and not rest until I get a suitable update of Jelly Bean so that I can provide you with all the comforts you desire. Will you marry me?

She: Dhatt re pagle, rulaayega kya. I would have said YES even if you were a Cupcake 1.5. My love for you is not OS-condtinional.   

REQUESTS

Child: Mom, please convince dad to allow me to go on the outstation trip. All my friends are going.

Mom: Shut Up, he is already so angry with the fact that his much awaited Kitkat update hasn’t come out yet and you want me to bring this topic to his interface? He will hang!

So, you get my point. I hope you did. These two words “What If” have a lot of plausible scenarios, today I shared with you the one of humans based on OS. 

What next? Wait for it...

P.S. In case this blog doesn’t match your interests, check your OS compatibility with mine!! I’m anyways free!!

Until next time

Take Care  :)